Some studies estimate that, in any given year, nearly 60% of women don’t masturbate. I can’t imagine a life without masturbation. I’ve masturbated nearly as long as I can remember, at least starting in my very early teens.
I read my first romance novel when I was in sixth grade. I would stay up late, reading with a flashlight. It seems so cliché, looking back, but I’m guessing that’s probably when it started. A few years later, I would sneak my mom’s PlayGirl magazines, and then, eventually, my dad’s Playboys, and read the stories. I would get wet, touch myself, but hadn’t really realized there was more.
Then one day I read a story of female masturbation where a girl straddled a window while fingering herself (she was showing off for her sexy neighbor) and so I took my magazine from my bed, went to the bathroom, and straddled the side of tub. And from then on, for about a decade, that’s the only way I masturbated.
In my early 20s, I was sharing a single-bathroom house with four other people and using the bathroom for masturbation was no longer an option. I went on a mission to learn about female masturbation all over again. It took a while, but I finally figured out how to get myself off without having to use a vibrator and without having to “ride” something.
Since I had this problem, and in talking to women over the years, I’ve come to realize that many women aren’t sure how to masturbate. They may find one way that works for them and then they stick to that same routine for years. While that’s all fine and good, I thought I’d offer a helpful hand with a guide on how to get down dirty on the solo. Want a printable version? Download it here!
Without further ado, here’s your:
Guide to Female Masturbation
Start off right.
If you’re trying something new, it helps to set the mood. Female masturbation is no different. Relax. Take a bath. Lotion yourself up. Make yourself feel sexy. Have a little wine. Obviously, you don’t need to do these things every time you masturbate, but, even if it’s not your first time, sometimes it’s nice to take your time and seduce yourself.
Take some time and build a fantasy. Think about a really hot sex session you’ve had, or one that you’d like to. If you prefer, read a sexy story or put in a female-centric porn that will turn you on.
When you’re ready, touch yourself. If you are new to female masturbation, start slow, touching yourself in different places and in different ways. Tug on your nipples, rub your inner thighs. Remember, it’s not just your clitoris and vagina. Touch the outside of your pussy, cup your vulva, play with the outer labia, pulling on them just slightly. Some women like to play with their nipples a lot and it can help to induce orgasm.
If you’re still struggling, try it in the tub. Many women like to masturbate in the tub as it helps you relax. And let’s face it, bodies always feel sexy when they’re wet. An old roommate taught me a bathtub technique once.
She would lay on her back with her feet up on the shower wall, with her vulva positioned under the faucet. She would get the water just right so that it was hitting her clit over and over again. It made her cum so quick. I’ve tried it. It feels great, but doesn’t work for me… I tend to need a lot of pressure to cum, but it’s a great warm up and maybe it’ll work for you!
Bring on the clitoral stimulation
Understand that female masturbation, like most things, is different for everybody. What feels good for me, might not do the trick for you. You must play around. See what feels good. Experiment. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
Begin touching yourself with a figure eight. Take one or two fingers and trace a figure eight around your pussy. Start at the side of your clit, go up and around the hood, then cross back over, and run your finger(s) around the bottom of your vaginal opening (called the fourchette). Continue the pattern, modifying where you see necessary.
Try different pressures, speeds, directions. Make pit stops. Run a few circles around your clit, dip a finger into your pussy, do whatever feels good.
Spread your lips. Take your pointer and index fingers and use them to spread your outer lips apart. Use your middle finger to play with your clit. Rub it back and forth. Do circles over it. I once read that more women use a circular motion to cum than any other movement, specifically a clockwise circle (if you’re looking down at your pussy).
This position also makes it nice and easy to take your middle finger and insert it. Pull up some of those pussy juices to keep your clit lubricated and slippery. When necessary, don’t hesitate to pull out the lube!
Don’t ignore the hood. Many women find pleasure when they play with the hood of their clit. Put your fingers on the skin surrounding your clit and rub your fingers lightly back and forth, making the skin massage your clit.
This is really useful if your clit is extra sensitive, as it takes away the direct pressure.
And then vaginal stimulation.
When it comes to vaginal stimulation during female masturbation, not everyone goes there. Me, I do about 25% of the time.
If you want to try, make sure your nails are short and smooth, or you may cause yourself some pain. Start with one finger, and play. Depending on how that feels, go to two. Or three. Maybe even four. 😉
You can also press the heel of your hand against your clitoris and kind of grind on it while your fingers play in your pussy. You’ll need to find what works for you. Some like an in-and-out motion, others like to move their fingers only on the inside, touching the vaginal walls.
You can also try some G-spot stimulation. While touching your vaginal walls, massage the front wall, about two to three inches in (give or take in either direction). Think of it as trying to touch the back of your clit.
As you become excited, you’ll feel an area that feels a little different–kind of like it has ridges on it. That’s your G-Spot. Massage it. Try. different pressures. It may become hard and rigid. That’s a good thing. Continue to touch it, applying pressure. If you relax and are really enjoying it, this can bring on female ejaculation.
Turn to the Toys
No talk of female masturbation would be complete without a brief discussion on sex toys. Depending on what toys you have, you can use any of the above techniques with a vibrator or dildo, just make sure if you’re masturbating in the tub, you use a waterproof toy.
You can also find vibrators for your clit, ones for penetration, some specially designed to hit your G-Spot, and some that do all of that and more. Play around. Find what works for you. Here’s a list of some of my favorites:
A word of caution, especially for those new to female masturbation. A vibrator can make you cum much quick and harder than manual stimulation. That’s fine. Pretty amazing, really. But don’t solely rely on vibrations to get you off. Some women who only use a vibrator get to the point where they must have it to cum, as it actually desensitizes the nerve endings.
And I don’t know about you, but I don’t ever want to have my pussy desensitized!
Molly’s Final Thoughts
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to masturbate. Everyone likes different things. Many women add different props (pillows, bath tubs, electric toothbrushes…), use different positions, touch themselves in different places and in different ways.
Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t feel guilty. Remember, it’s about your self-pleasure!
If you are just learning, take it slow. Don’t try to get off, just do it to experience pleasure. When you first start and are learning how to touch yourself and what works for you, it will feel good. But it may take some time to learn to bring you to climax. Don’t stress about it. Just take the pleasure and keep on practicing!
There are benefits to masturbation, other than the obvious one of pleasure, so do it for your health. Masturbation helps you to get to know your body. It can improve your sleep. Temporarily lower your pain level. And reduce stress.
Self-awareness, less pain, more sleep, and stress reduction… Who doesn’t want that?
In my opinion, the best part of masturbating isn’t the pleasure, it’s learning what turns you on and how you like to be touched. And then being able to pass that information on to your lover.
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James M Harrison · at
Wayne Fontana · at
Brilliant summation and excellent practical advice on the best guide to female masturbation. Very well written and informative.
Shan · at
Funny when i was younger I found one way to do it and basically touched myself that exact way (scenario, outfit, scene, everything) for years until I understood to explore more and learn new things. Still trying new things today (25 yrs later) and enjoying every minute of it!