Oh, the mystery of the G-spot! Women think of it, hoping it makes them cum like crazy. Men search for it. And bad lovers call it a myth and say it doesn’t exist.
Well, I’m here to tell you what research shows us about the G-spot, what I know about it personally, and ways you can use all that knowledge to your own pleasurable benefit.
The History of the G-Spot
First named by Dr. Beverly Whipple, who found that specific stimulation, namely a constant pressure and massage in the form of the “come here” motion, in a specific area on the front of the vaginal wall, could produce a pleasurable physical response in women.
It’s called the G-spot, a shortened form of Gräfenberg-Spot, named after German gynecologist Ernest Gräfenberg, who was the first physician to discuss this pleasure zone in the 1940s.
That’s what we say, but that’s actually not the full truth. In the 17th century, Regnier de Graff, a Dutch physician, described an area on the front of the vaginal wall that he linked with female ejaculation and the male prostate.
Since then, everyone has been arguing about the G-spot. From what it is to if it even exists. Here’s my stance.
There’s something that exists in the front wall of the birth canal that when massaged in a specific way, creates a whole lot of pleasure and, in some cases, can cause female ejaculation. When massaged, this spot grows and changes texture. I’ve witnessed it in my own body and in the body of female partners.
There is no doubt in my mind that this spot does exist.
Maybe it’s erectile tissue. Maybe it’s a primitive prostate. Or the Skene’s gland. Maybe the urethral sponge. Or maybe it’s just the back of the clitoris. To me, it doesn’t matter what the fuck it is, because it doesn’t make a damn difference in my world. What does make a difference is using the G-spot to my advantage.
If you want to know more specifics about the history of the G-spot and what different research says about it’s existence, here are some sources to check out:
- Anatomy of the Clitoris: Revision and Clarifications about the Anatomical Terms for the Clitoris Proposed (without Scientific Bases) by Helen O’Connell, Emmanuele Jannini, and Odile Buisson (nih.gov)
- The “G-Spot” Is Not a Structure Evident on Macroscopic Anatomic Dissection of the Vaginal Wall – The Journal of Sexual Medicine (jsexmed.org)
- REVIEWS: The Clitoral Complex: A Dynamic Sonographic Study – The Journal of Sexual Medicine (jsexmed.org)
- Is the Female G‐Spot Truly a Distinct Anatomic Entity? – The Journal of Sexual Medicine (jsexmed.org)
- Female ejaculation: A case study: The Journal of Sex Research: Vol 17, No 1 (tandfonline.com)
- The grafenberg spot and female ejaculation: A review of initial hypotheses: Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy: Vol 9, No 1 (tandfonline.com)
- Female ejaculation: Perceived origins, the Grafenberg spot/area, and sexual responsiveness | SpringerLink
- Beyond the G-spot: clitourethrovaginal complex anatomy in female orgasm | Nature Reviews Urology
The consensus is this… Something is there. Ultrasound images show that women experience a physical response when that area is stimulated and brain scans show that the pleasure centers in the brain also respond differently to G-spot stimulation then they do to clitoral stimulation.
Finding the G-Spot
So… regardless of what the G-spot is, I want to preface this next section by talking about anatomy. While we’re all made up of the same parts, individual aspects of our anatomy differ from one another. Let’s look at the penis, for example. Take 10 men and have them show you their penises. Every one of those cocks are going to look different. They’re different lengths. Different shapes. And different girths. And they all like different things.
It’s the same with the female anatomy. We all know that our vulvas can look amazingly different (all still beautiful and normal). And it therefore makes sense that the same would be true of the G-spot, regardless of what we think it is. This means that all women likely have a G-spot, but that it may not respond the exact same way in each person.
One person may find lots of pleasure with G-spot stimulation, while the next person may not find it arousing at all. Either way, you’re normal. And not finding or enjoying your G-spot doesn’t mean that you’re unable to experience sexual pleasure.
Moving on to actually finding the G-spot…
Finding Your Partner’s G-Spot
Because of the G-spot’s location, it tends to be easier to have a partner find and massage the area than it is to do yourself (which I discuss below). When you’re trying to find your partner’s G-spot, make sure she urinates before hand. G-spot stimulation can cause female ejaculation and you don’t want her holding back because she has to pee.
Next, get her aroused. Like really aroused. Like pussy super wet, squirming on the bed, begging you to fuck her aroused. Have her lay back and take two fingers, I personally prefer the middle and index fingers, but it could just as easily be the index and middle fingers. Go in palm toward the ceiling. Now curl those fingers in, up toward her belly, and sort of back toward your palm, kind of almost like you’re curling your fingers around her pubic bone.
Think of touching the back of her clit.
We call this the “come here” motion because it’s the same motion you make when you call someone to you.
Now start massaging this area. Don’t use the in and out motion often thought of with fingering. Instead, keep up with the “come here” motion. Play around. Eventually, you’re going to want to massage it with more firmness and pressure.
Remember… the vagina is made for childbirth. You don’t have to be overly gentle here. Actually, as it starts to feel good for her, you’ll want to get a little rough.
As her arousal builds, the area you’re massaging with your fingers should begin to feel different. It may swell. And the tissue should change from smooth to being covered in ridges. This, my friend, is the G-spot.
Finding Your Own G-Spot
Finding your own G-spot through masturbation is difficult. From a prone position, it’s nearly impossible to get your fingers where they need to be to massage the area. If you don’t have a lover and want to try on your own though, I do have a suggestion.
Try masturbating on the edge of the bathtub. Place a folded towel on the edge to offer some cushioning for your hand, and then take two fingers into your pussy and sink down onto the edge of the tub. Rock forward, like you’re pressing your clit into the palm of your hand. Use your other hand for support.
Now find the curling “come here” motion with your fingers as your rock your hips back and forth on your hand. Maybe do some hip circles. As you get closer to orgasm, pay attention to the texture of your skin and see if it changes.
You may need to play longer than normal here. Like, you may need to have an orgasm or two before the G-spot makes its presence known.
What Does It Feel Like?
Well, it should feel pretty damn good. You may notice a different type of sensation. And you may feel the urge to pee. That means you’re in the right spot. But chances are you need to be more aroused. Start making out. Maybe grab a toy. Keep playing.
As this pressure builds, it may feel like an orgasm is there, just out of reach. Like you’re teetering on the edge and can’t seem to fall over. You may get tired. It may feel like too much. If that’s the case, ask your lover for help here. Make sure he doesn’t stop. If you’re having sex, he may need to take over the motion to keep you going.
Once the pressure becomes overwhelming, bear down. And try to release… Which means don’t hold back. Don’t worry about if you’ll squirt. Don’t worry if you’ll pee. Just. Let. Go.
If you’re the lover, encourage her. Encourage her so fucking much. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her it’s hot af playing with her this way. Go ahead and tell her she’s a good girl.
If all works out, she may experience female ejaculation. There’s a direct correlation between G-spot stimulation and squirting.
Click here to get my Cheat Sheet for Female Ejaculation and have all the information you need right at your fingertips!
Positions for G-Spot Stimulation
Because of the placement of the G-spot, traditional missionary position doesn’t come close to stimulating it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find other positions that do. It’s all about the angles and there are various positions that offer direct stimulation of this pleasure zone.
One more thing before we dive in to positions. It will help to keep the thrusting shallow, remember, the G-spot is only 2.5-3 inches in. And, just like fingering, instead of going with the in and out thrusting motion, try grinding. Back and forth. Side to side. Or maybe even in circles. You’ll significantly increase your chance of hitting the G-spot.
Side note: It can take awhile for all this to happen. And even once the sensations start to build, it can take a few minutes or more for her to reach and crest into orgasm. If you have a male partner and he struggles not cumming through all this, stick with the fingering method or have him wear a cock ring. It can keep him from cumming while making his cock rock hard. There are also “desensitizing” creams, but I’m not one to suggest numbing our pleasure zones. If he doesn’t have a crazy long refractory period, then have him cum, then get back to playtime. He’ll last way longer the second time around anyway!
Anyway, here are the top three G-spot stimulating positions I suggest trying.
- Cowgirl: Again, instead of up and down or moving in any way that causes his cock (or dildo or fingers) to go in and out, grind on him. This was the easiest way for me to get G-spot stimulation when I first started playing in the area. And the easiest way to squirt when I was first learning how. This position also allows your partner to move your hips and keep you going when the sensations become so much that they’re distracting.
- Doggy style: But instead of staying on your hands and knees, drop to your forearms, keeping your ass in the air. For me, I like to go even lower, with my whole chest on the bed. Try different variations, including your legs on the inside of his and find what feels good.
- Pillows under the hips: Lay on your back and put some pillows under your hips, elevating your hips off the bed. Have your partner move between your legs. Now, bend your knees and draw them toward your chest. Put your feet somewhere on your lovers chest or over the shoulders. Have them keep the thrusts shallow, as really deep penetration is possible in this position. If you’ve never had sex this way, it’s fucking amazing. The lifting of the hips completely changes the angle of penetration and should allow some direct G-spot stimulation.
Okay, so this is getting stupid long. Let’s do a quick recap and wrap this up. The G-spot exists, although what exactly it is hasn’t been determined. I’m going to quote Barry Komisaruk, who has done massive amounts of research on the G-spot, who says, “I think that the bulk of evidence shows the G-spot in not a particular thing. It’s not like saying ‘What is the thyroid gland?’ The G-spot is more of a thing like New York City is a thing. It’s a region. It’s a convergence of many different structures.”
To find the G-spot, make sure she’s super aroused. Don’t even try unless you’ve been playing for at least 30 minutes. When you’re ready to go in, use two fingers, palm up. Don’t go in and out, instead, use the “come here” motion.
The area should swell and become rigid. Keep going. And praise the fuck out of her. Remember, she may squirt. Don’t freak out if she does.
She needs to let go for this to happen. She can’t be caught up in her head or worried about what her lover’s thinking or putting too much pressure on herself.
Also remember, research shows that G-spot stimulation doesn’t necessarily feel good for everyone. If you can’t find it or it doesn’t feel good when it’s stimulated, don’t fret about it. You’re still normal. And sex can still be amazing.
I’m going to end with another G-spot expert, this one British scientist Petra Boynton, who says, “We’re all different. Some women will have a certain area within the vagina which will be very sensitive, and some won’t — but they won’t necessarily be in the area called the G spot. If a woman spends all her time worrying about whether she is normal, or has a G spot or not, she will focus on just one area, and ignore everything else. It’s telling people that there is a single, best way to have sex, which isn’t the right thing to do.”
PS: Want to bring your partner even more pleasure? Check out my cheat sheet on cunnilingus and have her begging for more!