What the little blue pill is teaching us about sex and mental health.
There’s this new study out. It shows that Viagra may save lives. While the little blue pill isn’t stopping heart attacks or diverting strokes, it does seem to slow suicides in men between the ages of 50-59.
The Swedish study is one of the first to actually provide data for the widely anecdotal belief that there’s a connection between sex and mental health.
After all, we know sex…
- Improves sleep
- Increases bonding with our partner
- Reduces stress
- Releases happy chemicals in our brain
It should, therefore, be of no surprise that an increase in sexual intimacy, especially in a demographic of men who have recently been impacted by sexual dysfunction, would be a boost to their mental health.
And a decrease in suicides is a damn good measurement of an improvement in mental health.
So thank you, Swedish scientists. For finally putting data behind what those of us in the pleasure industry have known for a very long time.
Sex heals.
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One thing you may not know about me, dear reader, is that I hold the writer, Mark Manson, in high regard. I don’t worship the man or anything, but I think he fucking rocks. His messaging kicks ass. And, most importantly, he speaks truth, his truth, even when he knows it’s going to piss people off.
And that’s something I highly respect.
Plus, he says fuck a lot.
And I respect that, too.
But this week… man, this week in his Mindfuck Monday Newsletter, he did just that. He wrote something that fucked with my head quit a bit. Something I’ve been stewing about all damn week. And now, a handful of days after I read it, I have something to say.
When referencing the above study, Manson said this:
“But the more you think about it, the more it kind of makes you sad. Because that result suggests that there is a number of men in this world who find nothing meaningful outside of their own sex lives.”
No, Mark, that’s not quite right. If you lose your legs, you’re going to mourn your legs. If you lose your ability to speak, you’re going to mourn your voice. And to some of the people who mourn, the loss will become devastating to the point they can’t raise out of the darkness.
And it is no different for those who lose their ability to have sex.
Sex acts like a balm.
Sex, when had regularly, is a medicine that acts as a solution to various problems. Not sleeping isn’t caused by not having sex, but having sex works amazing to help you get some Zzzzs.
Not having sex isn’t what stresses you out, yet sex releases oxytocin, which reduces the stress hormone, cortisol, lowering your stress levels.
Manson goes on to say,
“…with men basing too much of their self-worth on their sex lives. I’ve long argued that many men overestimate sex as a source of value and significance. Don’t get me wrong, sex is healthy and important. But if it’s the only route to intimacy and meaning that you’ve allowed yourself, well, then you’re going to have a bad time.”
Now here, Mark and I agree to an extent.
Some men do put too much value into aspects of their sex life. They think they need to rack up numbers (even though a man with long-term sexual partners typically becomes a better lover), and that they need a massive cock (y’all know how I feel about the size of a man’s dick). And many don’t understand that they can still be intimate and sexual even without their primary sex organ (because orgasm actually occurs in the brain, not the genitals).
I get that.
But you know what else I get…
Sex doesn’t have to be linked to my self-worth to be an important and essential part of my life. Or for it to impact me when it disappears.
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The study says that Swedish men between the ages of 50-59 are the largest demographic of male suicides in Sweden. They’re also the only age group that showed a decrease in suicides when Viagra became readily available. This, the scientists say, indicates that it may be the onset of ED that leads this age group of men down the path of depression.
On the surface, one may look at this and, like Mark, be like what the fuck man?!
You. Are. More. Than. Your. Penis.
Which is absolutely fucking true. Men, you are more than your penises!
Yet, if suddenly something happened in my world, and I went from having an active and loving sex life with my Husband, to not being able to have sex. Of losing that part of myself. Of losing that way to connect… That way to unwind and let go…
Man, that fucks with my head.
And it would, for sure, spiral me into a depression.
And if I thought I had another 20, 30, or 40 years in front of me and that I’d never be able to experience sex again, well… I’d struggle.
Fuck, sometimes I struggle when we’re apart of a few days… I don’t sleep as well. I feel more stressed. Anxiety starts to fester. I’m on edge. And, within a week of not having sex, I’m a fucking moody bitch.
So, no, Mark. You’re wrong on this. Sex doesn’t need to be “the only path to intimacy” and still fuck with you when it disappears. You don’t get to sex shame men who’ve been impacted by sexual dysfunction, especially when it’s impacted their mental health. Don’t do that.
Because when the sex goes away, so does a good night sleep. So does the oxytocin. So does the dopamine. So does the hormone that’s kept you bonded and connected to your partner for the last 30 fucking years.
And when all that happens, it’s no wonder some god-damn Viagra slows down the rate of suicide in a demographic of men who haven’t been able to fuck their lovers in years.
And you don’t get to shame them for that.
How about instead of belittling them, you start talking about the connection between sex and mental health. Spreading the word to men who are suffering from ED and depression that they should seriously consider taking some Viagra?
Because that shit’s not just going to make their dick hard, it’s going to remove that dark cloud that’s been hanging over their head. It’s going to make them feel better. Happier. Sleep better. Get along with their wife better. Be a better human.
How about you have that conversation, Mark? Instead of kicking men who are already down.
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