Want an easy way to have more ease and fun in the bedroom? Creating a bedroom sanctuary allows you to feel ready and wanting when you get between the sheets! Check out this video or read below to get all the details!
While working on the mindful sex post, I mention creating a bedroom sanctuary and figured it was time for me to elaborate on the concept.
Let’s start with the term sanctuary.
A sanctuary is a consecrated place. Somewhere holy. And sacred. And it’s also a safe place. A sanctuary offers protection. It’s a place of refuge.
And if the bedroom is the home and heart of where our relationship is, it makes sense that our bedrooms should, quite literally, be sanctuaries. If it’s where we love and become intimate and bond with one another, then it is perhaps one of the most holy places in the whole house.
And, therefore, we should treat it as such. Treat it as a place that is sacred. And safe.
So what does that mean?
Well, it means different things to different folks.
But it begins with boundaries.
If you have roommates, whether their adults or children, relatives or friends, your sanctuary must have boundaries, or else how can you feel safe to let down your guard and be present in an intimate or sexual moment?
Now, everyone’s boundaries will look different, but in my house, there are three teenagers and the rule since they’ve been younger children is that unless it’s an emergency (which by household definition means blood or broken bones), they are not allowed to enter my bedroom without invitation.
And yes, it did take some training, but now they knock and wait to enter. Always.
That may not be the right boundary for your house, but I do want to figure out what is and I encourage you to set whatever boundaries you deem necessary.
Because, come on, nothing ruins the mood and pulls you out of the moment more than worrying about getting busted by a five-year old.
Okay, so creating privacy is the first step in turning your bedroom into a sanctuary.
Now, you create the space and feel.
On the surface, this includes treating our sanctuary with the respect it deserves.
Try to keep it tidy.
Make sure the sheets are clean.
Create a space that invites you to feel warm and welcome and connected to one another. A place where you can relax and unwind and feel safe with one another.
And maybe even allow a little extravagance, if you will.
What does that look like? Well, it’s different for everyone. For some it may include satiny sheets. Or maybe cozy flannel sheets when the weather’s cold, as it’s snowing here this week. It could be down comforters. Or different shaped pillows that you can use to support you in various positions.
But make your bed (and your room as a whole) a place that makes you want to curl up together.
You also want to add elements that invoke your five senses. We already talked about satiny sheets, but what about scents? Add candles, incense, or essential oils. Think scents like sandalwood, cinnamon, patchouli, jasmine, or rose.
You also want to create an environment that gives you the right kind of lighting. In my opinion, adding a bedside lamp or two with a dimmer switch is great. As are candles. Like many of you, I appreciate sex with the lights on, and let’s face it, candlelight is much more flattering than overhead fluorescents.
What you’re really trying to do here is create a place that inspires eroticism, and that happens through the senses. So we’ve got soft and smooth sheets and fluffy blankets. We’ve got scent through candles or essential oils. And we’ve got candlelight or dimmed lamps.
And when it comes to sound, I have a few different playlists I sometimes turn to, each for different moods. But it doesn’t have to be music. Maybe you just put on some white noise and listen to the sounds that each of you create. Maybe you put on the sound of waves and allow them to wash over you.
Whatever it is, it doesn’t really matter as long as it suits you and your lover.
So those are the basics, folks.
And when you pull it all together, you really can create a sanctuary. A place that allows you to shed the day and lose yourself in your lover and your time together.
And when you can bring it together, create the safe space and the privacy and the environment that supports the intimate side of your relationship, it can make it easier to fall into the sheets together.
If you want to know more ways to spark a flame with your partner, download my Lover’s Yes, No, Maybe List!