I find it interesting that I am sitting here , writing about being married vs. single. I’ve never been single. Sure, I’ve had a few weeks here, a few weeks there, but overall, never been single. I was always the girl who found herself in a relationship, even when I was trying not to.
And although I love my husband and I love my life, part of me is sad that I never experienced being a “single girl.” But just because I’ve never experienced, doesn’t mean that I can’t recognize its pros and cons.
Benefits of Single Life
- No one to tell you what to do. You want to run around the house in hot pink sweatpants. Do it. Drop everything and fly to Amsterdam for the weekend. Do it. There’s no one there to stop you. Your decisions are for you, not for your husband, your wife, your kids. Just you.
- Variety is the spice of life. You can fuck anyone you want. You can mix it up. Redheads on Mondays, Blonds on Thursdays. Your boss on Friday. And the neighbor on Sunday.
- You can pick up that cute guy at Starbucks who always smiles at you. Or the girl who eyes you up everyday at work. I’ve found myself in situations where I had blatant chemistry with people. Really good chemistry. The kind where other people can feel the sexual tension when they walk in the room. I’ve never followed through with these, because of my marriage. But if you’re single, jump on that shit! Fuck that girl. It’s not right to let those kind of connections go untested.
- No dirty socks to pick up around the house. You only have your dishes to do. Only yourself to take care of. I envy that. You can eat ice cream out of the container. Drink milk out of the carton. This means less dishes and more time for fun
- Butterflies. The kind you get when you first meet someone. The first time you get naked with someone. First time he moves down your body to put his head between your legs. Those kind of butterflies… Yep. I definitely miss those.
Benefits of Married Life
- Spooning. Whenever you want. And, it seems to me, the longer you are together, the more your bodies fit together.
- Not having to teach someone how to get you off. When you’re in a long-term relationship, one of the best aspects is that your lover knows you (hopefully!). He knows how to touch you, where you like it hard and where you want it soft. He knows how to lick your pussy just right and when it’s the right time to pull your hair or smack your ass. It takes time for that type of knowledge of one another to develop, which is why married sex should only get better and better.
- Comfort. When you’re married, there’s a level of comfort. You can tell him something kinky you want to try and know he’s not going to turn around and run out the door. You don’t have to be embarrassed to ask him to fuck you in the ass or use a toy. Comfort. It’s nice.
- He’s seen you at your worst, but remembers you at your best. My poor Hubby has seen me with my head in the toilet (more times than I’d like to count). He’s seen me on a three-day bender with no sleep. He’s seen me after 16 hours of labor with no epidural. Seen me go bat shit and scream so much like a banshee, I pissed my pants. But he has also seen me at my sexiest. And it’s those memories that count.
- No condoms! Woo-Hoo! I hate condoms. And hating condoms has led me to make some really stupid decisions when it comes to sex. But when you’re married, condoms are no longer necessary (*quick PSA* unless your fucking someone else… Boys and girls, if you’re cheating on your spouse, wrap it up! Keep your partner protected. Because it’ll really suck when your partners find out about it. But it will suck so much more if they find out because they have herpes*).
- I’d like to say that a benefit of being married is always having someone to fuck. But I know that’s not always the case. It should be though. They should put it in the vows. “Love and obey… Honor and cherish… Fuck, suck and lick…”
Cons of a Single Life
- Dry spells. Sometimes you don’t just want to hook up. Sometimes you don’t want a one night stand. Someday, you’ll need someone to go to a wedding with you out of town. If there isn’t someone in your life right then, it blows.
- Not knowing what you’re going to get. I remember the last guy I dated before my Hubby. He was cute. Had crazy sky blue eyes. Funny. Good job. Great kisser. But his penis was the size of my thumb. And I remember feeling utter disappointed the first time I reached my hand into his pants. And it wasn’t just that he was small, he didn’t know what to do with what he had. Perhaps if he had embraced his small cock, learned how to work with it, maybe things could have worked out differently. So, not knowing what you’re going to get when you get their clothes off can be kind of scary. You never know what you’re going to get.
- People expect you to get married. Aunts will ask you when you’re going to “settle down.” But maybe you don’t want to settle down. Maybe you want the freedom involved with being single. But that’s not what people want to hear. Everybody’s got somebody that they want to hook you up with: a nephew, a cousin, the taxi driver’s third cousin’s granddaughter’s neighbor.
Cons of Married Life
- You’ve got to talk about shit. With your partner. And if that weren’t fun enough, when things don’t work out, you’ve got to talk to everyone else about it too. People can break up with their boyfriends and girlfriends and nobody thinks twice about it. Get divorced and everybody wants to be in your business.
- Things change. You fall in love. You get married. Have kids. And all of a sudden, you don’t know what happened to you. You begin to define yourself as these things (Hi, I’m Molly, a mom of three, wife of one). Things will change. Some for the better, some for the worse. Love will change. Sex will change. All we can do is try to make them change for the better when we can.
- Lack of freedom and personal space. Once you’re married, you lose your space. And once kids come, man, it gets worse. Your decisions no longer just effect you. You’ve got somebody else that is impacted by what you do. Sometimes it can take a while to adjust to that.
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Vince · at
I’ve been single my entire life. Love doesn’t come easy to me, in part because I have cerebral palsy. I know about the darkest depths of being single, but the one thing I’ve always wanted in life was to be truly loved and married.
34 years old, but my only good example, from others what true love is, that comes from a dear friend I see like a sister who married last year.
Marriage is hard, but both have to be committed to the love you both share.
Both have to be a unit, you won’t always please each other, but everything can be done with love and respect.
Love this. As always
Molly · at
I have a friend with cerebral palsy and he’s had a similar experience. He does have a girlfriend now (he just turned 50 I think, but maybe not quite).
Marriage is hard. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I’m grateful for it. Grateful for what it brings to my world. I’m a hot mess most of the time, I can’t imagine if I was left to my own devices. haha. That being said, I don’t know if I’d do it again. That if something happened between my Hubby and I, if I’d remarry. I don’t think.
Thank you, Vince, for reading and for your support!
Vince · at
I’ve got right hemiparesis. So right side of body is stiff.
As with your friend, I think the toughest part is assuring others that CP isn’t genetic. I do believe though, if I’m meant to, I’ll meet that one woman.
I also can understand that. As we progress through life, we get a deeper understanding. Marriage takes a conscious effort.
And you are welcome. You have been wonderful