Oh, the 5 Love Languages! While it may be easy to figure out you’re own, your partner’s love language may be hard to determine. This is the story of my own lightbulb moment when I realized I’d been loving Him wrong for nearly two decades!
If you don’t do the whole YouTube thing, that’s fine. Keep reading to get the text version. 🙂
So I’m rereading Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages (it’s pretty amazing, you should read it!). Last time I read it was probably 15 years ago. Now, 19 years into my relationship, I gained way more than I expected from the book.
The basic premise of the book is that there are five primary love languages and everybody speaks one of them. They are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
Most of the time, we attempt to love our partners in our own primary love language. After all, it’s how we like to receive love, most of us believe that our partners would want the same. But we’ve got a slim chance our partner’s speak that love language.
This leads to us thinking we’re giving our partners love, but in reality, they’re not receiving it that way.
Chapman offers multiple ways to figure out your own and your lover’s language, two of which I cover in the video.
What’s their gripe?
Chapman says to look at what your partner nag you about. There’s a good chance if you examine these things, you’ll be able to figure out your partner’s love language.
What do they do for you?
He also recommends looking at what they do for you. This can be helpful because, as I mentioned above, when we love someone, we naturally give them love in the same way we like to experience it.
Molly’s experience finding her Hubby’s love language
So I read Chapman’s book years ago and I had always thought my Hubby’s love language was words of affirmation. He’s a proud man and I assumed His ego would demand that to be His language.
And then I reread this book. And it hit me in the face. My partner’s love language isn’t words of affirmation.
He’s always nagging me about my messy vehicles. And about the laundry that gets washed and dried, but rarely folded and put away.
And He’s always doing things for me. Fixing my morning coffee. Cooking me lunch. Rubbing my sore spots before bed.
Holy fuck. It hit me like a ton of bricks. His love language was acts of service!!
All this time, I’ve been loving Him the wrong way! Well, no more. From now on, it’s service, service, service! And I’ll keep all those kinds words for when we’re beneath the sheets. 😉