If you want to heat up your sex life and heat it up fast, forget that you’ve been together for decades and act as though it’s an affair. I guarantee you’ll have better sex tonight!
Did any of y’all watch HBO’s Big Love? In it, the male protagonist, played by Bill Paxton, is an Utah businessman with three wives. In the fifth episode, Bill and his first wife start having an affair. And, man, does it heat up their sex life! It makes them feel excited. Aroused.
Now, I know what you’re thinking… Molly, I don’t have three wives. I’m not spending time away from one where I can sneak out of the house at night to go fuck my other lady. I’m already in her bed.
I get it.
And I’ve got some ideas.
What’s in an Affair?
Let’s take a moment and talk of affairs. Affairs are hot. They’re exciting. They’re filled with passion and heat and moments where you just can’t wait to get your hand on each other. It’s rushing into the hotel room and ripping each other’s clothes off because you need each other right now.
Yeah. We want some of that passion.
So what is it about an affair that makes it so damn flammable?
Well, it’s a break from the norm. It’s something different. It feels different. It looks different. Hell, it even acts different.
Affairs aren’t weighed down with expectations of who should do the dishes or help the kids’ with their homework. Affairs don’t concern themselves with mortgage payments and overdue electric bills. They don’t worry about high blood pressure or upcoming colonoscopies or if we scheduled that mammogram.
Affairs are about pleasure and excitement and living life for the moment.
But how can we make that happen when all those things that don’t define an affair are the exact same things, give or take, that make up our reality.
You Become Your Husband’s Mistress (or Your Wife’s Lover)
It’s been said that men want a wife for home and comfort and a mistress for excitement and sex. Now, I’m not saying that’s true, but I am going to say that there’s something to it.
We all need support and stability. That’s what long-term monogamous relationships are all about.
But we also want something new. Something novel. It’s the unknown that excites us and makes us feel overwhelmed with want and desire.
So we need to become this person for our lovers. Here’s how.
You don’t meet your mistress with a day’s worth of stubble across your cheeks, so don’t meet your wife that way either. Do some manscaping. And get out of your dirty sweat pants and put on something you know she thinks you look sexy in. Ladies, same thing. Shave. Exfoliate. Lotion up that body and imagine it’s his hand moving over your skin. Do your hair and make up in a way that makes you feel hot. Then slip into a garter and stockings and something that makes his jaw drop.
Don’t be mom. Or dad.
When you’re having an affair, you appreciate every moment you’re given because you never know when the next one will come. So you don’t talk about Little League. Or next week’s lunch menu. Don’t bitch about your boss or your sister. Leave that shit for home time. If you want to have better sex tonight, you’ve got to not focus on the mundane things in life and instead on the moment that you’re given.
Focus on each other.
On this same note, lovers in the middle of an affair spend time focusing on each other. They hang on their lover’s every word. Laugh at their jokes and sneak opportunities to touch. They share secrets and send each other naughty texts. Maybe even a few inappropriate ones. They don’t second guess each other’s motives or feel resentment because of something that was said three weeks ago. No, they focus on each other and the happiness and joy they can bring their lover.
And the moment.
As previously mentioned, those in an affair have no promise of tomorrow. In most cases, they know from the beginning that the relationship is ill-fated and won’t last. So they don’t worry about what’s out of their control and instead enjoy each and every moment they’re given. So if you want better sex tonight, set down the damn phone, close the computer screen, and shut off the tv. Give your lover all of your attention. And pretend like you don’t know if you’ll ever be able to touch them this way again.
How to Pull Off Your Affair
You may be thinking this all looks good here on your screen, but in reality, having an affair with your partner is next to impossible. I’m here to tell you it’s not. And that with a little planning, you can pull it off. Maybe even tonight. Seriously.
First things first, you’ve got to pull your partner into the conversation. If you don’t know what to say, send them this blog post! If that’s not possible, then simply say that you miss spending real quality time with them and that you’re making some plans for some alone time. And that they should prepare accordingly.
Find a spot.
If you have kids, call grandma and see if she can babysit. If not, try the next door neighbor. Or ask for some help from your Facebook friends. Someone has a teenager looking for money.
If you can, rent a hotel room. For the night. For the afternoon. Hell, for an hour if it’s available. Take her out to dinner. Or maybe plan a picnic in a quiet area of a park. Or, if you can’t wait to get to where you’re going, order room service and get the night started!
But remember, lovers in the midst of an affair don’t always have that kind of time. Sometimes it’s a quickie during a lunch break. Or a make out session in the back of the car. Or even putting yourself on your lover’s schedule, giving yourself a 30-minute “meeting” behind the office door.
Affair sex is hot. It’s unexpected. It’s not missionary for five minutes than a few quick pumps in doggy. No. It’s dirty. It’s raw. Savage. It’s dropping to your knees to take him in your mouth like it’s all you’ve been thinking about all day. It’s pinning her to the wall and manhandling her body because you just can’t seem to touch her enough. Your teeth clashing into each other because the urgency is that real.
But it’s also slow and passionate. Filled with romance and sweets nothings. It’s spending an hour between her thighs simply because you love the taste of her. It’s trying new things and experiencing as much pleasure and passion together as humanly possible.
So fuck him. Hard. Say raunchy things to each other. Manhandle her. Or try to make her squirt. Or even play out some fantasies.
There you go, folks. Have an affair with your partner. Be your husband’s mistress. And make her think about all the dirty things you’re going to do to her.
And have a little fun!
As always, drop your comments below!
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