Hey y’all. Here’s a new coffee with Molly for you, all about why sex is important, not just for our relationships, but for our health and wellness, too!
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So here’s the deal.
I got booted from my first subReddit last night.
I feel like that’s kind of a milestone or something. haha. But in all seriousness, I got booted because I said that sex is part of our overall health and wellness, and that if you’re not having sex with yourself or someone else, then you’re not living your best self. You are not reaching optimal health and wellness.
And here’s why I believe that.
Regardless of where you stand on how humans ended up on Earth, there is no denying that we were made/created/evolved to be sexual beings. If you are an adult, sex is natural and does amazing things for your brain and your body, as well as your relationship.
Now before all those folks in sexless marriages give me shit, here me out.
Sex is important. But what does that mean?
If you are an adult under the age of say, 65, and you’re not having sex with yourself or someone else, then you’re not reaching optimal wellness.
Lots of us don’t live for optimal wellness, myself included. We drink. We smoke. We don’t exercise or work to reduce stress. But if you do these things, if living your best life is important to you, then sex is a part of that.
Now, I’m not saying you can’t be healthy if you don’t have sex. I’m not saying you can’t be happy. And we all know that for many folks, sex doesn’t manifest that way and can cause distress. Whether it’s from sexual dysfunction, anatomy, trauma, or something else, sometimes shit happens that makes sex not fun and pleasurable.
If not having sex doesn’t cause any trouble in your life, fine. That’s great. Go on living in your sexlessness. I’m not here to tell anyone how to live.
But I will say this. If you have something that’s standing in your way of enjoying sex (pain, dysfunction, trauma, whatever), and you want to live your best life from a health and wellness standpoint, if you could find a way to have sex that does not cause you distress and gives you pleasure, then
Sex will enhance your life.
Because that’s what sex does.
Our brains function better when we have sex.
Our relationships function better when we have good, frequent sex.
Fuck, we live longer when we have sex!
And when we talk about the sex we are having in an open and honest way, our relationships become healthier and happier, and our relationship satisfaction goes up.
Here’s some research if you don’t believe me:
- Sex and death: are they related? Findings from the Caerphilly cohort study | The BMJ
- Sex on the brain! Associations between sexual activity and cognitive function in older age – PubMed
- Frequent Sexual Activity Predicts Specific Cognitive Abilities in Older Adults | The Journals of Gerontology: Series B | Oxford Academic
- Sexual intimacy in couples is associated with longer telomere length – ScienceDirect
- Couples’ Sexual Communication and Dimensions of Sexual Function: A Meta-Analysis: The Journal of Sex Research: Vol 56, No 7
- Couple Communication, Emotional and Sexual Intimacy, and Relationship Satisfaction: Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy: Vol 40, No 4
Want more research? Email, I’ll send you some.
When you have sexual dysfunction…
But here’s the thing with dysfunction. It happens everywhere and all over the place. Diabetes is a dysfunction of your metabolism and your immune system. When you have high blood pressure, it’s a dysfunction of your cardiovascular system.
And when you have low libido or pain with intercourse, it’s a dysfunction of your sexual system (I say sexual because sex involves a lot more than just reproduction).
The difference is with these other dysfunctions, we address them. We change our diet and take insulin. We take BP meds and start exercising.
But when it comes to sexual dysfunction, all too often we don’t talk about and settle with the dysfunction. Or try a little blue pill or some vaginal cream and when that doesn’t work, we give up.
And that’s not living your best life.
You wouldn’t stop taking your insulin. You don’t keep pouring salt on your food. You address the fucking issue in an attempt to counter your dysfunction.
To be your best self, you should also work to fix this dysfunction in your sex life.
Because when you can have better sex, when you can get pleasure, it really does enhance your life.
In an optimal body, in an optimal brain, and in an optimal relationship, there is sex.
And one of the reasons for that is because…
Our brains really like sex.
This is getting too long and I really need to get to work, so I’m just going to forward you to these posts:
- Oxytocin and Your Marriage (or why you should have lots of sex)
- Sex and Mental Health: What Viagra Is Teaching Us About the Connection
- 3 Reasons Why You Should Masturbate (And They’re Not What You Think)
Check out this book. Why Good Sex Matters by Nan Wise.
That’s it folks. I’m stepping off the soap box.
Just know. And realize, that sex is important. Truly.
PS: That’s an affiliate link, y’all. Just so ya know.
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