Reader Question: How can I last long enough for my girl?

Dear Miss Molly, I don’t think I last long enough for my girl. Can guys increase their lasting time?

~ John Doe

Well, John, there are absolutely some things men can do to help them last long enough in bed. But before we get to the how-tos, I want to take a moment to discuss the length of sex. While porn would like us to think that the average man can fuck for hours, that’s simply not the case. According to multiple studies the average intercourse, actual penis in vagina, lasts between 5-8 minutes.

Now, this number doesn’t include lead up or foreplay or any oral sex or anything of the sort. It only counts the time that the penis is in the pussy.

So if you last long enough to hit 6 or 7 minutes, you’re normal.

Now, I will say, chances are 5-8 minutes isn’t long enough for your girl. Most women need about 20 minutes of arousal to reach orgasm. So what’s a man to do? Give her plenty of time before actual intercourse. And just to be sure that you don’t cum before she gets off, get her off before you fuck. Please. If you need some help on this, you can check out these two guides:

• Your Guide to Eating Pussy
• Your Guide to Female Ejaculation

So that’s my first piece of advice. Not just for men who are worried if they last long enough, but for all men.

Moving on, you can get some hints on how to last longer in this post, 7 Tips to Lasting Longer in Bed, and here are a few more.

Remember to slow down.

Don’t act like a jack rabbit as soon as you enter her. Take it slow. Real slow if you need to. There’s no harm in drawing out the movements, especially if you’re incorporating some other play. So kiss her. Touch her breasts. And focus on not increasing your pace. Stop thinking about sex as a destination orgasm and start thinking of it as a journey of pleasure. And if you need to actually stop for a little bit to stop from getting off, that’s okay. Tell her you just need to taste her pussy one more time.

Give it a squeeze.

When you feel like you’re close to orgasm, pull out, wrap your fingers around the base of your cock and give it a firm squeeze (if your cock is big enough, you may even be able to keep the head inside her). You can also try the same method under the head, although some guys may find this stimulating so watch yourself. Best to maybe practice during masturbation before you give it a try with your lady.

Rub one down earlier in the day.

Some men find that if they masturbate earlier in the day before they have sex, they can last significantly longer. While this is fine and dandy (seriously), be aware that the older you get, this practice may become self-defeating. As men age, their refractory period lengthens, causing more time between erections. At some point, you may find that an afternoon wank means you can’t even get up come bedtime.

Tug your testes.

When a man’s body prepares for ejaculation, his balls often tighten and pull in toward the body. Some find that a gentle tug on the testes can reduce the urge to cum and delay ejaculation. I haven’t played with this, so I don’t have any personal insight. I’ll try to put it to practice and report any results I conclude.

Bring in some assistance.

There are lots of products on the market that can help you last longer. First, a condom can make a world of difference. It instantly cuts down on your sensation and makes it less likely for you to cum too quick. You can also try a cock ring, which goes around the base of your dick (you may also notice this makes you rock hard so win-win). And if these aren’t enough, I’d recommend a numbing spray like KY Duration. This gives you just the right amount of numbing that it won’t kill your hard-on, but will help you hold off so you last long enough that you feel good about it.

Cut yourself a break.

If you’ve cum too quick once, than you may be worried about cumming too quick again and this performance anxiety can really have an impact on your performance. So take a deep breath and let that shit go. Do it again. Now one more time. Good. It’s okay. And it happens. Stop trying to stress about it and instead find a solution.

Talk to your doctor.

I get that it can be embarrassing. I do. Us women, we’ve got to talk to our doctors about our lady parts all the damn time and if you’re not used to it, you think you’re the only one with this problem and that your doctor’s going to judge you and think differently of you and all that shit. You’re wrong. You’re not going to be the first dude to come to them with issues about his cock, I promise. And sometimes, when all the above things don’t work, there may be medical reasons behind it. ED is a real thing that can be treated and, in some cases, premature ejaculation (which is medically defined as cumming in under one minute after penetration) can be a warning sign. So, please, talk to your doctor. You won’t regret it.

Well, folks, that’s it. My advice on how to last long enough to make sex enjoyable for both you and your partner. If you have any additional advice, don’t hesitate to drop it in the comments below!

And if you haven’t already done so, sign up for my newsletter and get my FREE ebook all about getting the sex you want.

~ Molly

PS: Do you have a question about sex, intimacy, or your relationship you’re too embarrassed to ask your friends? Email it to me at molly@yourbestsexualself.com!