What is your feeling on swinging? Recently I found out a couple I’ve known for years are into “The Lifestyle” and, quite frankly, I’m not sure how I feel about it. They’ve been married 15 years (I’m on 11 years and counting). It feels like cheating. Doesn’t it? I don’t know….. If we “swing” with them, would it ruin a years-long friendship? How do people manage it?
Well, I wish I had a clear answer for you, but the answer is truly:
“It just depends.”
Let me see if I can explain a little.
When a couple opens up their relationship to other people, in whatever manner that is, swinging, threesomes, wife swapping, going poly, they must move away from a traditional mindset.
First, they must be secure enough in their relationship and their love and their partner to understand that for some, it’s okay to experience sexual pleasure with more than one person and, in some cases, love more than one person. They understand that just because your penis is in your friend’s wife, it doesn’t mean she has your heart.
Second, they have to set jealousy aside to even consider swinging. You can not be jealous seeing your wife with another man. You can not be jealous when you hear her moan as she gags on his cock. And if you do get jealous, even if you keep it down, it’s something that you must be willing to talk about or it can rot away that security that I mentioned as point one.
Third, to accomplish both of the above, you have to be able to communicate clearly with your partner about all the things. And be honest as shit. And listen to her when she honestly tells you things you may not want to hear (like she’d like to fuck that guy from the supermarket). And then set and follow boundaries based on that communication that both you and your lovers are comfortable with.
If you can manage all of that, then…
No, swinging isn’t cheating.
But that’s not to say that swingers can’t cheat. They can. When those set boundaries are violated.
For instance, your wife may be okay with wife swapping. That doesn’t equate to her being okay with you fucking your co-worker. Or even a random bartender when you’re on a business trip. If she’s not okay with that, or if you’ve never discussed it to see where she stands on the subject, then, to me, that would be cheating.
As how you feel about it, why’s that matter?
Unless they broached you and asked if you were in to swinging. And in that case, you’ve got to figure out how you and your wife feel about it.
If it’s working for your friends, great. People opt for the Lifestyle for lots of reasons.
It’s exciting as fuck. And excitement makes you feel closer to your partner. It strengthens your bonds (the excitement, not the sex with others). It keeps people from getting bored.
And, if they’re hedonists like me, the more damn pleasure the better. So why not experience more pleasure with your partner? Why not enjoy watching them experience pleasure from a different hand than yours?
All that being said, it is fun af, but swinging isn’t for everybody. And sometimes it works for a couple and then it doesn’t. And then it does again.
As far as ruining the friendship… I can’t answer that either. But I can tell you that, over the years, I’ve had sex with numerous friends in a non-monogamous fashion.
And it’s not impacted our friendships in a negative way. In some circumstances, it’s made us all closer, even in a platonic way. But that’s also because we had the above things in place.
If you do end up swinging with them and you’re not secure in your own relationship and you get jealous and you can’t communicate, then… Yeah, there’s a possibility it could hurt your friendship. But if you can manage at least two of the three at any given time, then my guess is you’d be alright. Especially if your friends are experienced in the Lifestyle.
And you’d have a whole lot of fucking fun.
No pun intended.
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