It’s time to stop, ladies. Faking orgasms is a habit you should have quit long ago. Or, better yet, never picked up in the first place.
It’s not helping you, it’s not helping him, it’s not helping anyone. I’m sure lots of you can give me multiple reasons of why faking orgasms is not always a bad thing, but I’m going to disagree… And I really don’t think I’ll be swayed.
I’m not going to sit here saying I haven’t done it. I have. But not in years. Decades really. Because what’s the point? If I can’t get off, I can’t get off. Sometimes shit happens.
Here’s the thing. If you fake it when you don’t cum, you’re setting yourself, and your partner, up for failure.
Everyone’s Faking It
Depending on which study you read, at many as 70% of women admit to having faked an orgasm at some point. And those are just the ones that are admitting to it. A study completed at Indiana University showed some startling statistics: 85% of men responded that their partner orgasmed the last time they had sex… But only 64% of women reported that they came the last time. That’s a 21% difference. Pretty significant, if you ask me. Both in the number of women who are faking it and the partners that really believe it.
Don’t Do It For Him
Perhaps you fake it because you don’t want to hurt your guy’s ego. I get that. But you think faking orgasms may make your man feel better, more like a man, but really, it doesn’t. Imagine when he finds out that he’s never made you cum, when he thinks he’s doing it every time. That’s a shitty blow to his ego.
If the sex isn’t going to get you off, or if he’s not doing it right, you need to tell him. For him, for you, or every other girl he is going to fuck for the rest of his life. If you don’t tell him what you need to cum, and fake it instead, how is he ever going to know what to do? Hell, he thinks he’s doing it right.
So, if the reason you’re not cumming is because the sex isn’t working for you, you need to show him what to do. Show him where you want touched and how. And, for Christ’s sake woman, if you don’t know how to make yourself cum, it’s about damn time you learn. Because if you can’t make yourself cum, how can you expect anyone else to do it?
Don’t Do It For You
If you’re faking orgasms, you’re lying. Pure and simple. Not only to him, but to yourself as well. If it’s worry that keeps you from cumming, stop. There’s no reason to stress out about it, and if you do, it’s likely going to make getting off more difficult.
But faking it is not the answer.
Faking it doesn’t allow you to figure out what you need to orgasm, or give you the opportunity to cum. If you normally orgasm, and the sex is good, but you still can’t cum… That happens sometimes. But don’t lie about it. Just explain to your man that it’s not a big deal, and you aren’t upset about it.
After all, sex is still great, even without orgasms. There are so many more aspects to sex than just an orgasm: exploring, enjoying, sharing…
It May Be Anatomy
It’s hard for many women to orgasm from intercourse. In fact, research states that the norm is to not be able to come from sex alone (One study said only one in six women can orgasm from just intercourse). In Mary Roach‘s BONK (excellent read by the way, both enlightening and entertaining), she discusses how the amount of space from a woman’s clit to her vagina impacts her ability to achieve intercourse orgasms.
If this distance is more than about an inch (2.5 centimeters, actually, as the original study was done in France), it will be much more difficult (perhaps impossible) for you to orgasm from sex alone. Some estimate nearly 21% of the population fall into that category.
If you fall in the over an inch class, don’t be too concerned. You can still orgasm, just make sure you are using positions that optimize clitoral stimulation, like girl on top (and a quick note on riding your guy. Don’t do it like they do in porn, bouncing up and down like a jack hammer. Instead, grind against him for optimal pleasure, sitting upright to tilt your pelvic bone forward so you can get the most stimulation on your clit). And, whenever necessary, don’t hesitate to touch yourself. That extra stimulation can make all the difference.
You know I had to do this right… Squatting over a hand mirror on my bathroom floor, it took me much longer to find my urethra than I anticipated, the damn thing is so small. And I guess I never realized how far down it was, almost to the vaginal opening. I fall right under (less than a 16th of an inch) an inch, which makes sense, as I tend to be VERY orgasmic.
Whatever you decided to do, is obviously your choice. I just recommend not faking it. Why would you? I’ve done it to please a guy, I’ve done it make sex end quicker. But really, I could have simply verbalized what was going on, and would not have to do some really bad improv.
Be honest. It’s your sex life, your orgasm, and your pleasure on the line.
Keep in mind, it’s not only a girl thing. Guys fake orgasms too. And from my research, it happens more often than I thought, with up to 30% of guys saying they’ve faked it at least once. I’m not going to elaborate on this, as I am not a man, and I’m not going to pretend that I have a deep understanding of their psyche. For my male readers out there, I’d love to hear your comments on men faking it.
And a few questions for you, dear reader. Do you fake it? Why? And men, if she can’t get off, but is enjoying sex, and it has nothing to do with your style/technique (perhaps she’s just tired/stressed/etc) would you prefer that she fake it, or just be honest?