How to gain intimacy without sex…
We’d like to imagine that we’re going to have amazing sex all of our lives, but there’s a good chance that each of us will experience times when sex isn’t possible, even when we’re in a relationship.
Maybe it’s those six weeks after childbirth or a few weeks after a vasectomy. Or maybe menopause hit you hard and vaginal dryness makes sex painful. Maybe you suffer from ED and erections aren’t always there when you need them.
Whatever the reason, you should know that you can still be intimate with your partner, even if traditional, penis-in-vagina sex isn’t possible.
Shift Your Mindset
When it comes to sex, all too often we become obsessed with penetration and orgasm. When we think of “sex,” we only think of penis-in-vagina intercourse and that’s about as broad as our definition gets.
Well, I’m here to challenge that thinking. To enjoy intimacy without sex, to keep the intimate part of your relationship alive (because no one wants to be in a sexless marriage), then you need to broaden what sex means to you.
In this same way, I want you to stop focusing on orgasm. While orgasms are great and all, they’re not the say-all, end-all. I mean, sex can still be fucking fantastic without an orgasm. And that’s what we need to remember.
And I don’t just mean kiss. I mean make out. Make out like you did when you were a teenager in the backseat of the car. Let passion run through your veins and let your hands roam (but keep them on top of your clothes). Get so damn worked up, that all you can think about is pressing your body closer to your partners, in all sorts of naughty ways.
Not only is kissing good for you and your relationship, but it increases intimacy and makes you feel closer as a couple. Plus, with your arousal levels elevated, you’re automatically more likely to flirt and touch your partner. Which is all good stuff that keeps us happy and in love.
In some cases, it’s only penetration that needs to be avoided, which means there are all sort of things you can still do to be intimate and bring pleasure to one another that don’t involve penetration. 69ing. Oral sex. Oral sex, even if it’s only one way. Oral sex, even if your dick doesn’t get hard.
Bondage. Erotic massage. Outercourse. Dry humping.
The list goes on and on.
Don’t worry what it looks like. Don’t worry about having an orgasm. Instead, find what works for you and your lover and brings you both pleasure and do that thing.
From meditation to yoga to deep breathing to prayer, when participate in these activities with another person, we get on sync together which builds intimacy. Maybe it’s because we become more present and mindful when we’re engaged in activities designed to slow up down and bring us into the moment.
Cuddle A Lot
Touch is important in any physical relationship, but the longer we’re together, the less we seem to touch. So don’t stop touching each other just because you can’t have sex. Snuggle together under the blanket while you watch television or spend some time wrapped around each other before you fall asleep at night.
As an added bonus, the skin-on-skin contact helps boost happy brain chemicals and lead to an increase in the bonding agent, oxytocin.
Have an Adventure
When you engage in any type of activity with your partner that releases adrenaline, you’re helping your relationship. From sky-diving to going through a haunted house to exploring a new forest, when you’re engaged in novel and exciting activities with your lover, it increases your intimacy and also makes you more attracted to one another.
So ride the roller coaster. Dive off the cliff. Eat the ice cream.
Live life to the fullest when you’re together and you’ll be happier for it.
Build Your Emotional Connection
When you want to feel intimate without sex, you must work on the emotional connection you have with your partner. When the emotional connection with your lover is strong, it’s not hard to feel intimate because you’re already trusting and vulnerable.
To work on your emotional connection, engage in some of the following:
- Go on regular date nights
- Dance together
- Have deep conversations
- Ask each other questions
- Do puzzles or take classes together to stimulate brain activity
- Build routines and rituals, such as always hugging when you greet
- Groom each other
- Write love letters
- Spend time together unplugged
You Can Increase Intimacy without Sex
It just takes a little bit work of work that turns out to be well worth the effort!
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