Dear Molly, I feel like I have an abnormally high sex drive. I ejaculate up to 5 times a day. I don’t tell my sex partner, as I don’t want to offend her and I feel inappropriate. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I also don’t want to beg or feel like I need a favor. I’m embarrassed to ask my girl to stay and go for round two or three. Could you please guide me on how to deal with this problem and find a girl who is like me?
~ Rowdy Randy
Okay. Well, we’ve go a lot going on here. First, there is nothing wrong with a high sex drive. And there is nothing wrong with having a lot of sex. I’ve had multiple times in my life that my libido was so high, I was having sex multiple times a day and still masturbating on top of it.
So your high sex drive isn’t a problem, as long as it’s not interfering with other aspects of your life. But if it does start causing trouble, things may be getting a little out of control. Here are some signs to look for:
- You’re not hang out with the boys because you’re rather stay home and wank
- You’re slacking on your responsibilities (at work, at home, in your relationship) because masturbation and/or attempting to get laid are taking so much time, energy, or brain power
- You have no other hobbies or interests other than sex, masturbation, and/or porn
- You stop treating your partner with respect and become angry or frustrated when their sex drive doesn’t match you own
So if none of those things are going on, your sex drive isn’t the problem.
Knowing how to handle it is.
How to Handle a High Sex Drive
So you like to get off. That’s okay. But you’ve got to figure out how to manage it within the bounds of your relationship and your life. We’re going to start this conversation by assuming your partner’s sex drive doesn’t match your own.
That means if you like to ejaculate five times a day, you can’t always rely on their help. But let’s assume they are willing to fuck once a day. If you have a short refractory period (the period between ejaculations), talk to your partner and let him or her know that you don’t want sex to end with your orgasm.
Sex. Does. Not. Have. To. End. With. A. Man’s. Orgasm.
I want to scream this from the roof tops: SEX DOESN’T HAVE TO END WITH A MAN’S ORGASM.
So cum. Change your condom. And go back at it. Most women would be extremely pleased to find a lover who doesn’t just roll over and go to sleep after he’s came. So there we have two orgasms.
And I would say it’s completely reasonable to masturbate in the morning and in the evening. And if you need a third rub down in there, maybe when you’re in the shower.
But I’d like you to consider something, Randy.
I’d like you to consider what can happen when you start to withhold some of those orgasms.
Use Edging to Rein in Your High Sex Drive
Edging, a fancy term that means learning to withhold your orgasm, even when aroused and even when stimulated, to learn orgasm control. The easiest way to learn edging on your own is via masturbation. Get yourself to the point that you’re almost going to cum and then stop. Once the urge to ejaculate passes, start stimulating again. And then do it again and again.
This practices teaches you how to have sex for longer periods of time without ejaculating. And when you do ejaculate, it becomes much more intense. And if you get real good at it, you can learn to almost orgasm without ejaculation. When this happens, men may ejaculate just a small amount and never lose their erections or experience the super sensitive penis that often happens after a “normal” orgasm.
I’m thinking that after these more intense orgasms, you may find yourself more sated than with “normal” orgasms and may not need quite so many throughout the day.
The Problem of Finding the Right Partner
First, if you have a high sex drive, it makes sense to look for a partner with a high sex drive. But you’ll only know if you talk to them about it. So talk to them about it!
Second, people’s sex drives are influenced by many things. You therefore can’t judge what a person’s libido will be 10 years from now based on what they’re like today.
Third, your high sex drive is your responsibly, not your partner’s. Sure, if they want to lend you a hand, great. But don’t expect it or make them feel like they some how owe it to you. Your sex drive is your responsibility (don’t worry, I tell women the same thing!).
One thing you can do to make your partner more likely to want to have sex with you is make sure you’re a good lover. Make sure you’re getting her off before you fuck her. Make sure you eat her pussy like a starving man. And maybe try to make her squirt.
So there you go, Randy. Those are my suggestions for what to do with a high sex drive. I hope you find something helpful in it!
PS: Do you have a sex or relationship question you’re too afraid to ask your friends? Shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and maybe I have an answer for you.
Want to learn how to me comfortable talking to potential lovers? Check out my special report on the building blocks of intimate communication!