This morning I was reading a book about sexless marriages while I was enjoying my morning coffee and I got a little frustrated about the bullshit they were spewing about sex.
Here’s a video about it.
(I was still in my PJs for goodness sakes!)
If you’d rather read about the bullshit than watch, I totally get it. And have therefore included a condensed version below.
So here’s the book:
It’s the second best selling book on Amazon for sexless marriages and the second highest recommended on Goodreads.
And if I’m honest, it wasn’t too bad thus far. I hadn’t come across anything awe inspiring, but it had some decent insights.
Then I reached chapter five, all about women’s sexuality. And it went down hill quickly.
It all started with masturbation.
While discussing sexless marriages, they turned the talk to masturbation, saying, “Even in marriage, men are big fans of masturbation. Women masturbate too, sometimes when they are angry or frustrated with men.”
Um… Women can masturbate whenever the fuck they want to, not just when they’re angry or frustrated with men. I actually masturbate quite a bit and I can tell you that I have never masturbated because I was angry. Not once.
If you do, then awesome. It’s a great stress reducer. But don’t limit women’s masturbation to negative emotions. It’s weird and unhealthy.
I thought it was a fluke…
Until I flipped the page and they started talking about anticipation and how it can be a great sex tool, which I totally agree with. But then they said this, “You probably don’t like your man to go right for your clitoris and prefer that he goes slowly [I totally agree]. To the contrary, though, he does want you to go right to his penis.”
Ugh. Seriously!? Now, I know there are men out there who just want to wham-bam, but most men I talk to love foreplay. Actually, a lot of the time, they want more foreplay than they’re currently getting, especially men in sexless marriages. They miss being touched. They miss feeling desired and wanted. They don’t a quickie with nothing but penis-in-vagina.
Stop telling women this!!
It kept getting worse.
In the next paragraph, the authors discuss stimulating multiple senses. Again, great advice. But then they wrap up by saying “Breathe heavy even if you don’t feel it because it gets him excited.”
What. The. Actual. Fuck. So now they’re telling you to lie to your partner?! In bed. A place where you should never lie to your lover! It’s like telling a woman to fake an orgasm (here’s why you should never do it!).
Don’t act and perform for your lover. That’s not what they want. They want to give you real pleasure. Take your breath away for real. Not for fake. Stop doing this.
Please.
And perhaps the worst advice yet for sexless marriages…
On the next to last page of the chapter, the authors say this, “Compliment your guy’s prowess in bed and the size of his penis and he’ll love you forever.”
Again. What. The. Fuck.
I will admit that complimenting your man is important, especially when he’s doing something amazing between your legs. But it doesn’t matter how you stroke his ego, it doesn’t mean that he’ll love you forever.
I seriously can’t on this one.
I just can’t.
At this point, I don’t even know if I can finish the book. It makes me overly frustrated that this is the best that’s out there. Some of the best advice possible for those in sexless marriages and it’s this crazy ass bullshit.
No wonder they feel so fucking hopeless.
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