We all fantasize. Some of us a lot, some of us a little. Sometimes it’s about our partners. Sometimes it’s about our co-workers or movie stars. Or firemen. Strippers. Or a room full of clowns dressed in tutus.
Maybe you think about a really hot sex session from the past. Or maybe it’s about you’re going to do to your wife when you get home from work. Maybe you imagine getting fucked by multiple men at once. Or being tied to a bed or being beaten in public. Sometimes our fantasies turn to mundane, everyday things, and sometimes they consist of things we’d never want to do in our real lives. We may not understand them, sometimes they embarrass us, most of the time they make us cum.
Start Sharing Fantasies
Sometimes we should share these fantasizes with our lover. The secret is to discuss some, but definitely not all, of the scenarios. And to use discretion in the details that you share. You might not want to tell your husband that you have gotten off to the idea of fucking 10 men at once, Or let your wife know that her best friend often joins the two of you when you masturbate. But then again, maybe you should! Who knows what it would lead to.
The thing about fantasies is that they’re often better in our minds than in reality. When you think about fucking two women at once, in your mind everyone touches, no one gets their feelings hurt, and everyone cums at the same time.
In truth, this rarely occurs during a threesome and if you aren’t careful or experienced in them, someone can feel left out or insecure. If you like to think about being tied and gagged, you may not realize that rubber makes you want to puke or your man may cum super fast due to having you in complete submission.
I’m not saying playing out fantasies is a bad thing (believe me, I think it’s a wonderful thing), it’s just that the real situations are often different to what we think about when we’re in the shower (or in bed or at the sperm clinic).
The Bridge Between Fantasy and Reality
But I urge you to share some of what turns you on with your partner. If you’ve never messed around with S&M, but you when you pull out your vibrator your mind wanders to the Story of O or Fifty Shades of Grey, bring it up some night.
Maybe your lover will end up taking a chance and smack your ass while you bounce on top of him. Perhaps they’ve thought about it, too, but have never acted upon it. Maybe it turns you both on and opens a door into a whole new realm.
Or maybe it hurts way more than you expected and you really don’t like it. But you’ll never know if you don’t talk about it.
When you start sharing fantasies, you may find that you end with a lot more fantasies. Maybe you’ve never considered having sex in a dressing room where you could get caught. But after your lover tells you it turns him on, and you see the effects of his arousal, suddenly the idea turns you on as well.
Discuss Expectations Beforehand
If and when you decided to talk to your partner about your fantasies, discuss your expectations beforehand. Perhaps you want to share just to have a better understanding of what is going on in each others head, or you may want to try to act some specifics out.
This is very important to do BEFORE you begin to share, as you don’t need to have any major misunderstandings about your fantasies or you may come home one day and your husband’s bowling team will be standing naked in your living room, each one stroking his hard on.
Start Sharing Fantasies Slowly
If you and your spouse have a relatively mild sex life, or if one of you is rather conservative, maybe you shouldn’t jump right to the spot where you want to be abused in a gang bang. Or use electrodes on his balls while you force him to eat your pussy.
That may not go over too well.
Instead, open up a little at a time and then judge how your lover responds. If you start taking about erotic massage and you notice that he’s interested, then move on. If you start taking about exhibitionism and she looks like she’s about to freak out, maybe move on to something else.
And remember, just because you or your partner fantasizes about something, doesn’t mean that you necessarily want it to happen. Fantasies happen in the safety of our own minds. Fantasies happen where everyone is safe and no one gets hurt.
And, just as a reminder, don’t share everything. If you regularly fantasize about Jennifer Aniston, you don’t really need to mention that; it would make anyone other than Angelina feel insecure.