Reader's QuestionsSex Tips

Reader Question: How Can I Help My Girl Have More Bedroom Confidence?

Can men help women in the confidence department, as in bedroom confidence? Or is that an area that a woman has to do herself?

You can totally help your woman gain confidence in the bedroom, but it can take some time and you’ve got to be patient with her. Putting pressure on a woman, especially in areas of sexuality, can create the opposite of your desired effect. Basically, she can get a case of performance anxiety, which can make her confidence sag even more.

So instead of simply telling her to be more confident, here’s what you can do, in and out of the bedroom, to help her feel like she’s the queen of the world.

couple snowball fight
Photo by form PxHere

Outside the Bedroom: Devote some time to her.

Not just sitting empty in front of the television, but actively engage with her. Talk to her about her day (actually listen). Ask her how her lunch was with her mom. Where she’s always wanted to go on vacation. How that project went at work. Conversate with her and spend some real quality time together. If you’re showing you like to hang out with her outside of the bedroom, she’ll be more confident you want to hang out with her in the bedroom.

bedroom confidence lingerie

In the Bedroom: Buy her lingerie.

And don’t just give it to her with an “I thought you’d like this.” No, leave a note that says something along the lines of “I saw this and couldn’t stop thinking of how sexy you’d look in it. Can’t wait to see it on. And then take it off…” Not only will this let her know that you’re thinking of her sexually, but sometimes covering up a bit of the body can really help women be more comfortable with their lover.

And a little piece of advice… opt for a size bigger, just in case. Lingerie, in general, runs small and it can be detrimental to her confidence to not fit in the thing you just told her you couldn’t wait to see her wear. If you’re unsure what to purchase, talk to the woman who works in the lingerie department of your local department store. Honestly describe your lady’s body and she should be able to help you find a fit that’s flattering to her body type.

body positivity

Outside the Bedroom: Talk positively about her body.

If you make jokes about the baby weight she’s still carrying when you’re out to dinner, but try to tell her she’s beautiful when you’re in the bedroom, it’s not going to work. Those unkind words will ring in her head, not just the days after you said them, but sometimes for much, much longer. So compliment her and compliment her often. But don’t just say that she looks nice, compliment her on specific things, from “Your hair looks really cute like that” to “Your ass looks amazing in those jeans.”

bedroom confidence
Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

In the Bedroom: Ask her to touch herself.

Now sit back and admire it as she runs her hands across her body and touches herself in ways only she knows how (pay attention men… You may learn something about what brings her pleasure here…). Not only is it sexy af to watch our partners engage in some self love, but when a woman learns more about her own body, as she learns what makes her feel good and what gets her off, she has more confidence in the bedroom.

Plus, I think we can all agree that some mutual masturbation can be hot as hell.

healthy couple

Outside the Bedroom: Engage in healthy activities together.

If your woman’s body image is suffering, suggest some healthy activities you can do together. It doesn’t have to be hitting the gym or signing up for a 5K (although those are both valid choices). It can be as simple as taking a walk around the block, a couples’ yoga class, or a natural-foods cooking class together. And it doesn’t take long for those healthy choices to lead to feeling more comfortable in her skin, both in and out of the bedroom.

confidence in the bedroom

In the Bedroom: Light some candles.

After gaining 100 pounds during back to back pregnancies, I felt anything but sexy in my skin. And every time we were intimate, before I even reached out to touch my Hubby, I always reached over to shut the light off, hiding my rolls and stretch marks from him. And I vividly remember the evening, when I reached for the light and he stilled my arm. “No,” he said, “I want to see you cum.”

And I melted right then and there. And felt more confident in my body, even with its endless flaws, than I had in years. Because he told me he wanted to see it. See me. And that was enough.

Now I say light some candles, not turn on the lights, because if your lady is already suffering from lack of confidence in the bedroom, turning the lights on may bring enough lack of confidence that she won’t be able to enjoy herself. Instead, light some candles. The soft light of a candle glow is enough to allow you to see her body, but it’s also extremely forgiving to extra pounds and blemishes.

couple flirting
Photo by Kate Kalvach on Unsplash

Outside the Bedroom: Flirt. All. The. Time.

Let her know you’re thinking about her in naughty ways well before you head to the bedroom. Send her sexy texts (they don’t have to be explicit or XXX). Give her a little wink. Let her catch you admiring her body and she’ll remember that she’s wanted, which is always a boost to bedroom confidence.

And make sure to get physical, too! Touch her and touch her often. By touching on and off all day, it keeps you familiar with one another’s bodies and produces the hormones that keep you bounded and connected.

confidence in the bedroom
Photo by We-Vibe WOW Tech on Unsplash

In the Bedroom: Focus on pleasure, not climax.

Make a goal to touch each other for 30 minutes, but not get each other off. Instead, explore one another’s bodies and experience the pleasure that can be gained when you’re not focused on the final outcome. And as your hands roam her body, speak words of praise. Tell her how soft her skin is. About the lusciousness of her breasts. How delicious her pussy is. How you can’t get enough of her.

Both In and Out of the Bedroom: Give her positive feedback.

Let her know what she’s doing right. If she’s riding you and she’s got the perfect rhythm and it’s making you see fucking stars because it feels so. damn. good. let her know! Tell her, right in the moment how great she’s making you feel.

But don’t leave those words of praise just in the heat of sex. It is perfectly okay to whisper in her ear as she’s cooking breakfast how great the sex was the night before. Or if she tried something new and you were totally digging it, tell her! “Babe… That thing you did with my balls last night… I don’t know where you learned it, but thank you. It felt fantastic.”

couple on bench
Photo by Djim Loic on Unsplash

Ladies… What am I missing? How can your lover boost your bedroom confidence? Share in the comments and help our reader out!

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Comments (1)

  1. Excellent. Everytime I read you, Iā€™m educated and a better man.

    Thank you again šŸ˜ƒ

    You are a godsend.

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