When your sex life is in the slumps, it sometimes feels like it’s easier to just let it go rather than try to fix it. After all, maybe you’re getting a little older. Maybe you still have babies in your bed. Maybe you’re out of shape. Maybe it’s just easier to throw in the towel.
Yeah. Well, screw that.
Sure, sometimes it’s easier to go with the flow instead of fight against the current, but that doesn’t really get you anywhere but further downstream. And when it comes to your sex life, letting things go just makes the situation worse. Partners feel rejected. Things get out of practice. You lose out on the health benefits. And you begin to make sex something bigger than it is, adding unneeded stress and anxiety to your life, and nobody needs that crap.
So what do you do it about it?
You come right here, read this, and then go get it on.
Because I’m about to give you six easy ways to improve your sex life that you can do today.
If you don’t follow me on Facebook or Instagram (or even if you do!), you may not know I love yoga. Love it. I’m an everyone-should-yoga-every-damn-day-because-yoga-fixes-everything type of girl. That’s because yoga has changed my life. It’s improved my fitness. My mind. My mental health. And even my sex life. Yes, yoga can improve your sex life! And not just because you’ll be more flexible–although that doesn’t hurt–but because yoga poses strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, make you more comfortable in your skin, more aware of sensations, and more energetic. Engaging Mula Bandha (yoga-ish for the root of the spine, pelvic floor, and perineum area) increases your awareness of this area and increases circulation, building arousal.
So tonight, take 30 minutes (yes, you can spare 30 minutes) and do some yoga. Check out Yoga with Adrienne or any other online yoga sequence and hit the mat. Don’t have a mat, use a beach towel. Focus on your breathe. Still your mind. And get your zen on. Although you may not feel it tonight, with a regular yoga practice, you’ll start to notice more mindfulness. When it comes to sex, you can apply this focus to your lovemaking and become absorbed into the experience.
Listen. If you want to have more sex and you have a partner, talk to them about it. Seriously. Now, don’t attack them like, “You don’t want to have sex with me” or “This blog I was reading says we should fuck more” (I don’t need angry spouses coming at me!!). Instead, sit down and talk about what you’re missing. Talk about the closeness. The intimacy. The fun you used to have. Talk about wanting to share in that pleasure again. To explore with one another. If you want to have a healthy sex life, you need to have healthy communication, and talking about is necessary.
Whether it’s tonight over dinner, tomorrow morning after breakfast, or while you’re lounging in bed over the weekend, bring it up. If you don’t know what to say, something as simple as, “You know, babe, I was thinking about it, and we don’t have sex nearly as much as we used to. I kind of miss it. Miss you, and us, that way.” Or whatever works for you. You must open this bridge to communication, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Your partner loves you. They’re not going to hate you for talking to them about what’s on your mind.
Too often in our busy lives, we let kissing go. Hell, there are many times my hubby and I have sex and never kiss before, during, or after. But if you’re not getting it on, you need to start kissing. Every day. Kissing builds your arousal, gets you thinking about sex, and sometimes, just swapping a little spit is enough to get you between the sheets. Strive for at 30 seconds of kissing three times a day. It will make a difference. I promise.
The kissing homework? Kiss your partner today. Not just a peck. Not just for five seconds. But for the full 30. Use your lips and your tongue. Wrap your arms around each other. Don’t just kiss, embrace. Believe me, it gives the same thrill now as it did when you were 16 and in the backseat of a Chevy. Plus, after 30 seconds, you get a lovely dose of oxytocin, a hormone that increases bonding and your makes you feel good.
If your mind just doesn’t go there any more, make it. Grab some erotica and read it while you’re waiting at the doctor. Read it before bed. Hell, read it when you’re in the bathroom. I don’t really care when you read it, just do it. And if carrying around a battered copy of 50 Shades is just too risqué for you, then check out my erotica shorts and read them right from your phone. Folks will think you’re playing Candy Crush and leave you alone.
When you’re looking for erotica, find something that suits your desires. If you’ve never had any desire for BDSM, chances are 50 Shades isn’t for you. Maybe some erotic romances from Harlequin will tickle your fancy. Regardless, find what turns you on and get aroused. The more aroused you are, and the more often you are, the better your sex life becomes.
I feel like I preach about masturbation a lot, but come on folks, you’ve got to start touching yourself. I can’t stress this enough. Masturbation is a vital part to everybody’s sexuality and it’s the only true way to know what brings you pleasure. So if you’re not masturbating on the regular, start, even if you don’t want to. Even if it feels like a pain. Believe me, within a few days, you’ll notice the difference.
So rub one down. Don’t make excuses. Not sure what to do? Run a long bath and lock the door. Let your eyes close and let your fingers trail over your skin. Feel the sensation. Let it build. Move over your erogenous zones. Explore your body and don’t make it about getting off, make it about feeling good. If you need more guidance, check out the Guide to Female Masturbation for a step-by-step way to explore your body and pleasure.
I can’t stress this enough. If you want to have more sex, do it. Now. Even if you don’t want to. Even if you’re not horny. Even if you need KY to get things moving, do it. Nothing improves your sex life like having sex. And the more sex you have the more sex you’ll want. It’s simple brain chemistry, not rocket science folks.
What about you, dear reader? Do you have any secrets for improving your sex life? Tell me in the comments.